It’s easy to let your emotions take over during the divorce. But there are major advantages to avoiding some of the typical bad behaviors some divorcees indulge in.
If you can avoid yelling, name-calling, dirty tricks, manipulations and using your children as a pawn you will have won more of the divorce battle than you may know in the heat of the moment.
Here are the 4 major advantages to keeping your cool.
If you have kids, things will be easier later.
There’s a good chance you’ll be dealing with your ex until your kids turn 18. You’ll have to navigate parenting time arrangements. Ideally, you’ll both be involved in their life.
You might as well start figuring out how to be civil and businesslike right now. Creating less vitriol to be bitter over is a good thing. And as John McElhenny points out over at The Good Men Project, “A swipe at your ex is a swipe at your kid’s happiness, too.”
It will probably be over faster.
Though we can never tell for sure how long your divorce will take, we can tell you losing your cool will make it take longer.
When you get emotional there’s a good chance your ex will get emotional too. An angry ex who wants to punish you is apt to be less reasonable in negotiations, and is less inclined to settle out of court. This could easily result in having to go in front of a judge, which isn’t going to end as well as you think.
On the same note…
You’ll spend less money.
Divorces cost money. Long divorces cost more money.
Getting too contentious may also put your spouse in the mood to fight for more assets. Staying amiable, calm, and polite could mean walking away with more in the long run.
You’ll feel better.
Divorce can make you feel like a basket case. But if you make an effort to act like you are in control, you’ll gain the benefits of feeling like you are in control. That’s a fantastic feeling, and one that can help you get on with the business of healing faster.
You don’t want to look back at your divorce and remember it as a time when you turned into an awful person who lost his or her mind. Think of it as a business transaction, because at this point that’s exactly what it is. A contract negotiation between you and your ex, nothing more.